Self Pleasure 101 for women - Your guide to a solo ride.

Self Pleasure 101 for women - Your guide to a solo ride.

Remember AIB’s “A Woman’s Besties”? It was a parody with various female comics personifying different parts of the female anatomy. While it was hilarious, what it did very important was that it started a much-needed dialogue about female desire and sexuality.

The absurdity of inkblots on sanitary napkins to the important role the clitoris plays in a woman’s journey towards self-pleasure was laid bare (no pun intended).

Growing up in the narrow and often crowded confines of an Indian home doesn’t leave much room for self-exploration. And masturbation is above all else private and it can be tough to concentrate on pleasure when the threat of someone walking on you looms ahead.

Having said that, self-pleasure is a way for you to develop a healthy relationship with your own body, to learn what you like, want, and even need.

However, the shame and guilt surrounding masturbation and female sexuality, in general, leave few reliable and available avenues of information. The most common source of exposure to sex and sexuality is almost often porn and that isn’t what anyone would call a reliable manual. Porn most often focuses on male pleasure and any attention given to female pleasure makes it seem very unrealistic and exaggerated. What it essentially does is that it creates generations of men and women who don't know much about sex outside of this. It also creates a deep and lasting impression on young women and often dictates how they think their bodies should look (i.e, beauty standards).  

So, where do you go when you want to break the chains and actually start exploring what pleasure feels like and what works best for you?

If you don’t know where to begin, here are a few tips to get you started:

Get Comfortable

Self Pleasure 101 for women
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Despite what society might tell you, a woman’s body is neither an ideal to be put up on a pedestal nor something to be ashamed of. It is flesh and blood with all the beauty and flaws that come with it. The first step to understanding what your body finds pleasurable is to get comfortable with it. Explore your body, touch it, and let it tell you what you enjoy and what you don’t. Set some time aside for yourself, whether in the shower or when you are getting dressed. Getting dressed or showering isn’t a chore that you need to rush through. Take the time to explore your body leisurely.

One pace does not fit all.

Once you are comfortable with touching yourself and your genitals, turn the heat up a notch and massage them with a lubricant. Your pleasure points are unique to you. Whether it is your vulva or your clitoris, pay attention to what enhances your stimulation and pleasure. Slow and gentle or fast and rough, every woman has different needs. More often than not, the same woman has different needs. There are several other erogenous zones such as the breasts, nipples, neck, inner thigh, and others, go ahead and slowly explore each to know what works for you.

Pleasure isn’t a set algorithm that you need to follow to orgasm; it is a buffet table. You can pick and choose. And once you know what you like, you can go back for seconds.

Stimulation is the name of the game.

Self Pleasure 101 for women
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Clitoral stimulation is pivotal for most women to reach orgasm, even when they have sex with a partner. Learn how to stimulate your clitoris. You can use a vibrator, lubricant, or your fingers. If clitoral stimulation alone doesn’t work, try inserting your fingers or a dildo into your vagina. Penetrative masturbation alongside clitoral stimulation is sure to take you to climax.

Keep the toys clean and the fantasies dirty.

Self Pleasure 101 for women
Image Source: Pinterest

Whether you are using a vibrator, dildo, or fingers, make sure to clean them properly before touching your genitals. Sexual fantasies and erotica are at their best when filthy, but I am afraid the same can’t be said when it comes to sex toys.

Satin bed sheets, candles, and perfect lighting are Hollywood’s rose-tinted idea of self-pleasure or the idea of self-pleasure they have sold. But that isn’t how women across the world masturbate. It is heartening to remember that despite all the absurd glamourizing or the illogical guilt that society tries to instill in women, they still masturbate. Not for anyone else, for themselves. On their own time, on their own terms, and solely for their own pleasure.

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